Dear Tony Blair,

We understand you are leaving politics in Britain. Please don't turn away from politics forever. We've been looking for someone like you: someone socially progressive and fiscally responsible; someone charming; someone Tough on Terror; someone who supports human rights; someone to train our immigrants; someone who will invest in the environment (and economic growth); someone to invest in education and healthcare and impose new hidden taxes; someone who's been out of the country for a while; someone with nation-building experience; someone with a record of pragmatism and caucus revolts; someone who has been to Iraq and thinks Saddam Hussein is an awful person; someone to introduce income-contingent loan repayments and higher tuition at universities; someone Tough on Human Rights; someone new; someone like Pierre Trudeau.

Mr Blair, please come to Canada. The Liberal Party needs you.


Invoking you fondly,

Bob Rae
Michael Ignatieff
Carolyn Bennett
Scott Brison
Gerrard Kennedy
Stephane Dion
(Add Your Name Here)

Dear Oliver,

Can you come back now? I miss you a lot. I want a dog around, but I don't want a new dog because you can't really get better than the best dog who ever lived. So it would be really good if you could magically come back. I've asked Adrian a couple of times to make you alive again, but even though he'd do anything for love, he won't [OK, can't] do that.

Love always,

Mommy

Dear My Parents,

I want to thank you for leaving some leftover hamburgers for me in the fridge for when I get home. I want to thank you for having both ketchup and mustard in the fridge. I'm not accustomed to such a high level of culinary organization. They were a delight to eat, even though I couldn't get them to heat evenly in the microwave. Your microwave smells like popcorn.

Dad, thanks for not laughing too hard when I explained that I intend to spend the next year wallowing in despair and rejection. Yes, it does sound better than wallowing in mud, you're right. Thanks for taping nearly every show I watch on the satellite receiver too. You're really in to that thing. That's pretty cool.

Mom, I'm sorry (I promise this won't involve masturbation or Jesus) you were embarrassed at the computer shop when the technician got upset that your copy of Windows is pirated. I'm sorry you don't know how to keep viruses off your computer. I like your new laptop, by the way. It's much nicer than my desktop. It's too bad you're going to kill it very soon. I give it a fortnight. Fortnights are awesome.

Anyway, I look forward to spending a very eventful weekend with each of you. Hopefully the Internet doesn't fail and there's always something to watch on TV. Please don't forget to feed me.

With love,

Corwin