Dear George W. Bush,
I know this might come as a bit of a shock to you, but apparently, Billy Talent and alexisonfire don't like you. Now you may know this already -- I know you like to stay caught up on your current events -- but I thought maybe if you'd like, I could help explain their criticisms. I know sometimes it can be easier to take constructive criticism from someone who cares, so I'll try to put this as gently as possible.
From what I gather, their main criticism of your Presidency involved getting the crowd at Edgefest to give you the finger. I know you were probably watching from home, so I apologize if this caused you to become distressed -- you were probably upset already that the line-up wasn't as good as it has been in previous years -- but sometimes love has to be tough. You got off easier than Good Charlotte, so consider yourself lucky.
Another thing that seems to have pissed them off is the fact that you're the President of "America." Now, I know that you aren't really President of all Americans, since the term technically applies to Latin Americans, South Americans and, incidentally, Canadians -- but when Billy Talent said he loved being Canadian because it means he's not American, he was dissing your kind of people.
So in sum, stop being President of such an awful country, and maybe you can party with the likes of Billy Talent. Also, maybe if you're reading this, you could stop starting all those wars, start respecting human rights at Guantanamo Bay (not to mention in your trade policies), and maybe you could also just ban the death penalty and recognize gay marriage and start providing universal health care and put together a plan to stop climate change, end poverty and provide more people with HIV/AIDS medication. And also, please don't appoint a crazy person to the Supreme Court. Or kill the Senate and blame it on terrorists. I read about that in Handmaid's Tale. You should read it; I think you'd find it quite ironic.
Anyhow, those are my ideas -- Billy Talent didn't mention that stuff. I think he's just mad that you got to be President and he didn't.
I'm sure you've got better things to do than read my blog, but in case you don't, could you please tell me your six favourite songs? Don't worry, you don't have to include this one; it's already on my list. Thanks for reading.
Peace out,
From what I gather, their main criticism of your Presidency involved getting the crowd at Edgefest to give you the finger. I know you were probably watching from home, so I apologize if this caused you to become distressed -- you were probably upset already that the line-up wasn't as good as it has been in previous years -- but sometimes love has to be tough. You got off easier than Good Charlotte, so consider yourself lucky.
Another thing that seems to have pissed them off is the fact that you're the President of "America." Now, I know that you aren't really President of all Americans, since the term technically applies to Latin Americans, South Americans and, incidentally, Canadians -- but when Billy Talent said he loved being Canadian because it means he's not American, he was dissing your kind of people.
So in sum, stop being President of such an awful country, and maybe you can party with the likes of Billy Talent. Also, maybe if you're reading this, you could stop starting all those wars, start respecting human rights at Guantanamo Bay (not to mention in your trade policies), and maybe you could also just ban the death penalty and recognize gay marriage and start providing universal health care and put together a plan to stop climate change, end poverty and provide more people with HIV/AIDS medication. And also, please don't appoint a crazy person to the Supreme Court. Or kill the Senate and blame it on terrorists. I read about that in Handmaid's Tale. You should read it; I think you'd find it quite ironic.
Anyhow, those are my ideas -- Billy Talent didn't mention that stuff. I think he's just mad that you got to be President and he didn't.
I'm sure you've got better things to do than read my blog, but in case you don't, could you please tell me your six favourite songs? Don't worry, you don't have to include this one; it's already on my list. Thanks for reading.
Peace out,
David Alexander
posted by David Alexander | 7:30 pm
3 Correspondances:
I love the picture! Oh the fourth wall...
dear dave,
i don't think you're a moron. on the contrary, i think you're quite enjoyable. but does it matter what i think, since i'm not billy talent or alexisonfire? i was endlessly amused by your post, and thought you should know!
Dear Dave,
South Americans are mostly (so it seems, I had previously thought all) Latin Americans. So using both words seems a little redundant. However, you did not mention the inhabitants of english and dutch speaking Caribbean islands. And apparently Beleize and Guyana (I did not know those either though. They are english it seems they are also combined only a million people or so, so its not a huge deal) are not Latin American either. I guess you could say you used South Americans to cover the 650 000 people of Guyana.
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