Dear David Alexander,

A man who tries to live on the generosity of the Muses, I mean on his poetic gifts, seems to me somewhat to resemble a girl who lives on her charms. Both profane for base profit what ought to be the free gift of their inmost being. Both are liable to become exhausted and both usually come to a shameful end.

So do not degrade your Muse to a whore.

With suffering,

Schopenhauer

Dear Golden Hawks Football Team,

Please win the Vanier Cup on Saturday so that I get to write about cheerleading for The Cord. You see, if you win, the paper will be 8 pages, meaning there will be room for me to write an editorial on cheerleading. If you lose, the paper will likely only be 4 pages, meaning my piece will be cut. So please win. I really love cheerleading and I really want to write about it.

Selfishly,

Carly